Gathering of the Juggalos Survival Guide

Written by He Who Smokes A Lot-2011-2113

Be Prepared,This Is A Long One…

This is written for you,by a Juggalo who’s been attending these Gatherings since the very 1st one in Novi Michigan in the year of 2000,I hope this helps you in one way or another…….

MUST BRINGS -Extra ca$h, you never know when you may need it .Extra, as in money not planned for food,merch,ect. My #2 item as a must bring is socks, your feet get wet and sweat a lot there, a week with wet feet=disaster! So bring en extra pair of shoes too, you may get one pair wet, and if you do you can set them in the sun to dry while you wear the dry pair,(not any good ones though,the shoes you bring will most likely be ruined by weekends end). A back pack to carry stuff in (you will be making lots of trips to your site,but if you have a back pack,you can load it up with things you may need on you at all times and still keep your hands free for the most part)! Non perishable foods, Bread ,crackers, peanut butter, ect. Just in case your funds run low and you need food to fall back on. If you smoke,bring MORE than enough ciggs/weed/drug of choice. There’s nothing worse than a beggar, family or not! Sunblock, it’s very hot in August and walking around with burnt skin in the blazing sun is not a good idea! Please bring a few change of clothes with you, I know a lot of you wear the SAME clothes the entire week and you stink. Even if you don’t choose to shower, still change clothes at least. We have to stand next to you in the crowd, have respect for the Family would ya? Tylenol for headaches, Off! for the pesky mosquitoes, and some Calamine lotion in case you encounter some poison ivy or something of that nature! An umbrella or rain coat for unexpected rain fall, it does happen. A flashlight and extra batteries, parts of the grounds are very dark, and you do wanna see right?

This is a list of “would be wise to bring items”.Not so much a need to bring list,but a “leave at home at your own digression” list.The number one item on this list is empty milk jugs, I wont go into details why because they have multiple uses, just bring’em and you will find a reason to use’em. Towels is a good item to bring, they have plenty of uses too. Toilet tissue, it may become hard to find. Markers for taggin’ up shit. Faygo,if you have the room to haul it (it’s a HOT commodity and people pay outrageous prices for it). A big tarp for makeshift shade, shade at Hatchet Landings is VERY VERY HARD to come by ( I can not stress that enough ) and Tiki torches,they make GREAT lighting for your site (if you have a Baller site, Christmas lights work the best).

A bicycle! The grounds are HUGE and you WILL be doing a lot of walking in the 5-7 days that you are there, so if you have room to take a bike, I suggest you definitely take it. If you are not rolling in style (an r.v.), and you don’t want to deal with the nasty showers they provide for you (last year I used them for the first time and realized, they aren’t THAT bad, just bring something for your feet) then visit Wal-mart and pick up a portable shower for 10 bux, just fill it, set it in the sun, and you have a shower,(you will have to shower in public,but just do so in a bathing suit if you aren’t comfortable doing it naked, or spring for the little shower tent). A folding chair is a MUST, people out number chairs, so if you don’t want to sit in the dirt, bring your own chair. Of course, a camera or video camera is good to have, a lot of memories happen there and if you want to remember them, bring a camera! Also,something to water proof your ciggs,weed,ect. (Faygo and other liquids fly through the grounds often,you’d hate to get your dope wet right? So bring baggies for such purposes) And….a swim suit,yes there is a place to swim,a lake and a river,you chose!! (personally I wouldn’t swim in either, but there are those who do so………)

Now when you finally arrive at the gates you’ll see an open field and feel the love in the air. But be warned, not everyone coming through these gates are Juggalos! Some have come just to make money off of the Family. By selling fake drugs and other shit, (beware of the drugs you can’t tell are real until you take them,e.g.-LSD). Also,you may wanna keep your site guarded if possible, if not, PLEASE put your valuables in a secure place. An empty site is like a free store, people will be helping themselves to YOUR shit! Although there ARE a lot of cool ass Juggalos there who will show you the love you expect to receive at a Gathering, there is also a lot of scandalous people walking around, so stay on your toes. As the rules state, please don’t bring any glass items, they make great weapons and once broken they are trouble for everyone just laying all over the place. I just had to throw that in.

NOTE: please,if you take the time to read this, take the extra second to hit the like button so I know my efforts aren’t in vain. Remember ,I’ve been to A LOT of’em so this guide is not for me, it’s for you. Use it!

See, this is why we start planning for a Gathering several months in advance, okay….here we go,more things to add to your survival list. What…….you thought a Gathering was some cheap camping trip? Well it is if you want to be broke, hungry, hot, dying of thirst, and begging for change by day 3, then yeah, it is that kind of camping trip. But if you want to go, have the time of your life, and come back as happy as you’ll ever be until next year, then you MUST read these guides, veteran or not, you will see something that you have never thought of by reading and sharing with others. So to no delay…….

Let me say first that I am upset with myself for not remembering this first and foremost. Definitely bring a walkie talkie, running solo or in a group it is awesome to have, the stuff you hear people say over the time you are there makes them worth every penny to go buy a $20 pair. Glow sticks, a megaphone, hell bring a kite, there’s room for it. “SIDE NOTE FOR THE FIRST TIMERS!!The ONLY police presence you will see is at the entrance,( it may be worse this year due to us all being gang members but…. ) all they wanna see is a valid drivers license from the driver of the vehicle. “Just be Juggalos,act crazy and hella excited to be there, any less is suspicious! Store your “stash” at the deepest darkest point of the vehicle, sometimes they DO have a dog on site. But not always. Also a quick warning, all of the Johnny on the Spots are horrible in no time flat, just a warning, do as you feel fit with it.

DON’T BE A HERO, you know, the “I”m gonna do all the drugs I can and stay awake the whole time so I don’t miss a thing”, guy! You’ll either be dead or worthless by day 5 when it all really matters. Just go,take it easy, have a good time, sleep in the morning, party at night, and enjoy yourself!

Okay, I realize not everyone is going in an r.v., so this segment is for those who are forced to ruff it hardcore for the five long days or so that you are there! First and foremost, a cooler, you do want to keep your water, food, ext. cold right? Well you’ll need a cooler (if you have bottles of water, freeze those before leaving home, they will act as extra ice, and you will have cold ass water most of the time). Second, a B-B-Q- pit would be nice to have, if you don’t have the room for one ,just take the grill part, dig a hole in the ground to put your charcoal, and cook away! Hand sanitizer and lotions, to keep the skin fresh and clean .Extra lighters, those get lost a lot, so extra ones may come in handy. Soap, shampoo, towels, deodorant and baby wipes help the cause too. Baby powder is a good item to have on hand, a fan mister (a battery operated fan that sprays out a light mist), and all the love and respect for Family that you can muster up. An air mattress, unless you like sleeping on the hard ground, water guns, they are fun and help keep you cool, an umbrella (it provides shade on the go) ,RESPECT(bring more than enough of that for yourself and those around you)! And a ton of batteries for all that you need’em for!

This section is a precaution section. Again, this is more for the 1st timers than for the veterans to Hog Rock campgrounds.#1, stay away from the lake. It’s titled Hepatitis Lake. Although the website for the actual campgrounds claims that it’s filtered on the daily and all that other jazz, it’s best advised to stay out of it. Why? Well for one, everyone knows what it’s called, and people STILL choose to swim in it. Those people don’t care what it’s called, then they care not what people who swim in it do in there. And we know that there’s some nasty Juggalos/lettes out there. Not all, but they do exist. Go swim in the river, the water is always moving instead of just sitting there all still and shit. Plus there are enough spots in that river that have some calm areas, it may look dirty, but some spots are safe to swim. Like anything you do in life, think first, then act. BE SAFE, STAY COOL AND HYDRATED!!! #2,Despite what you may already know about the grounds from pics, video, or what people post, the grounds are HUGE!!!!!! !So no matter what, you WILL be doing a lot of walking, and at least 40% of it is up hill from the main stage. Be picky where you set up camp, or you may regret it, most likely sooner than later. THIS IS NOT just a concert like you have at your little venues in your home town. You better come prepared or a good time can go down south in a heartbeat. Partying, heat, lack of sleep and the long summer days can and WILL wear your ass out. Now, do that everyday for 5-7 days in a row, and you will see why this is just more than a concert. THAT’S IT,YOU WERE WARNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you read this and you end up killing yourself, passing out of heat exhaustion, over dosing on some stupid drug, then you deserve it for being so stupid, because I told your ass to be careful and smart!!!

On another note, let’s discuss what you will see(as a first timer) that’s on the upside of things. Like nudity? Well there will be naked lettes all over the place,(not all of’em stupid)but there will be a fair share walking around .Just remember, if they are skanky enough to walk around like that, and you get lucky enough to hit that strange lette neden, then who’s to say she’s disease free? My advice, pass on it homie(but if you insist,bring condoms). Although it seems these days the Gathering is filled with couples, and skanky lettes, there are some decent single ones out there. Hell, you may even get lucky enough to find one from your home town. Never know, the Gathering is a place of magic and miracles……………. Here’s another warning, although I don’t know if this one falls under bad or good so I will let you decide. The Gathering is like a hardcore addictive drug. Once you go to one ,you will do anything you can to make sure you don’t miss another one. It’s easy when you don’t know what your missing. but once you do, you can’t get enough. I’m not one to openly discuss the next topic like all those other idiots out there but……..when it comes to WHAT EVER your vice may be, just bring money for it. You MIGHT(most likely) be able to find it at a CERTAIN spot infamous for the trade of vices for cash, and the selling of personal items for money to eat on, or gas money home from those people who DIDN’T prepare properly.

Speaking of……….the Gathering is an awesome place to come across some awesome merch and shit for cheap. A lot of people that are there could barely afford the ticket and the gas money to get there more or less 5 days of food and gas money back. So by Saturday night they are at that CERTAIN spot (don’t worry,by Saturday you’ll know what spot I’m talking about and it’s true name will be reveled to you.) selling all that they can for either food or gas money home. That’s the time to score big and help a fellow Juggalo/Lette eat or make it home. Also,people bring all kinds of stuff to sell in bulk. Like food, “TOBACCO” smoking materials, and a lot of shit in between. People set up grills and will sell you a hot dog or hamburger for like a dollar or two compared to the food stands at 5 bux. Family homie, looking out for each other yo!!! “LIKE” this and tell a friend to do so also. Even if they aren’t going, they can “LIKE” it in case someone they know is going and can use this guide. Share the love!!!

Okay, now that we’ve come to this point I will post this section. I wanted to save it for last because this should be the last things to do before you actually head out the door. First and foremost, one of the most important things for you to do is to make a list of EVERYTHING you have to pack up and take. EVERY item, that way as you are packing you can check off the items as you put them into your vehicle. That way there will be no asking yourself, “Am I forgetting anything”? Start your list NOW, and add to it all the way until departure. Don’t do it the night before or you WILL forget things. Do it now while you still have time to add more items. Do it at the last minute and you WILL forget shit ,I promise. Then after you get everything packed up, double check your list. You really can’t be too safe, “Better safe than stupid”! Also, if traveling with a group, it’s best to have a designated time to depart, there’s nothing worse than mad confusion between your click on the day of departure. “Where’s so in so, when we leaving, and the good old saying……..we shoulda been on the road already”! A disorganized group amounts to angry people and bad times. Designate a driver, have your route mapped out, and if anyone in your group takes any medication, don’t forget it!!!! Also, don’t be foolish, every state enforces their seat belt laws differently. So just be safe and buckle up at all times. It could mean the difference between a smooth ride or having to deal with ignorant police. I know some of you have a long ass ride ahead of you, and you may want to fire up a fat blunt or so on your way there. If you absolutely can’t resist, please pull into a rest area or at least off the highway and stand OUTSIDE of your vehicle to do it. You don’t want your whole trip to be ruined if you get pulled over for a minor traffic violation and your ride smells like weed. The police don’t take kindly to that, it could turn a good time bad quick. As you can tell, I care about all of my Juggalo fam! I don’t need this info, I’ve been to enough of these to know what I need and don’t need by now. This was written for YOU, by me,with care!!

Okay, here we go, and although I have been to a ton of these events so far it still seems like I learn new tricks of the trade when it comes to making this trip easy ,fun, and unforgettable. Last year when I went I took enough “smoke” to last the entire week easily. But there were soooo many different strains floating around that I wanted to taste them all. So I went on a “I’ll trade you a gram of mine for a gram of yours” mission all week long. But I didn’t bring baggies of any sort to put mine in for trade, I will remember this year for sure. A digital scale also if you are going with a good strain to trade. Not every one will have thought to bring one, and not everyone weighs their shit honestly. This is a good idea I picked up on too. Use the back sheet of your book they give you (the Gathering book you get upon arrival) to keep track of all the different strains you smoked on the whole week, because when I got home and it was all gone, I couldn’t remember half of the names of the goodies we had the privilege of tasting.

Another lesson I have learned since last year is,it’s either an R.V.,or a Baller Site. There really is no need to spend the money on both. In my opinion, just choose the Baller Site if you can get one. Since the site provides water and electricity just bring along these items to make sure your time on the grounds is comfortable. A little home air conditioner, because you can plug it in, leave it in your tent running, and always insure a cool place to sleep and escape the heat when need be.(Remember this part was written for those of you who plan on getting a baller site).A mini fridge, if you can get one, (they are cheaper than the cost of renting an R.V.), just keep it in your vehicle with the doors locked to prevent theft. An electric skillet is helpful also. You never know what you may need to cook or reheat. In that case,pack a microwave. I know all of this section sounds expensive, but if you were to go out and buy these things, it would still be cheaper than renting an R.V. ,plus you will have these items for Gatherings to come. And next year your trip will be cheaper because you already have these things and no money will be wasted on an R.V. rental.

This is important also, it’s not a what to bring section but rather a WHO to bring section. Pick your group wisely. You need to insure that everyone you are traveling with agrees to leave home on the same date. That means their time off has been secured and the day to return home is agreed upon. Theres nothing worse than making the plans, and then a week from departure someone in your group says I can’t leave until Wednesday at 6p.m. when you wanted to be gone a whole 24 hours prior. Dont include a person(s) or a couple who has a history of drama. You dont want to ruin a good time dealing with other peoples issues. (Homies or not,some people just keep drama with them) .Also,if anyone in your group takes medications of any sort, DON’T LEAVE THEM BEHIND ( I said it once, I’ll say it again),make sure they are packed before you leave. I can not stress this enough!

Last year when I went, I didn’t really bring ANY food. I bought all I ate from the vendors. 10-15 bux a meal, 2 meals a day. I put 150 dollars back to eat on and it was more than enough. I just brought a couple 12 packs of soda and some snacks like potato chips and such and a ton of bottled water. We STILL had several cases of it left when we departed on Monday morning. Doing it this way saved us from having to pack several coolers, or buying too much food we never get around to eating, or buying expensive ass ice all week. A waste of money if you ask me. Every year prior to this last one we made that mistake, we packed way too much food and ended up wasting most of it. Plus you will see a lot of ninjas selling beers and hotdogs for dollar to make that gas money home. The extra doe you save could go towards more merch or something. That was a lesson learned. It took too many years to learn, but hopefully this helps you from making the same mistake. You will most likely end up spending the same amount on food either way, but not having to worry about ice, an extra cooler, and room in your ride for these items is a good deal.

Things to remember, number one and most important………STAY COOL and HYDRATED! The grounds get HOT ,very hot. So stay hydrated, and if you feel that the heat is too much find some shade. You don’t wanna ruin a good time by not paying attention to your bodies warning signs. I also know that it will be very tempting to want to avoid sleep because you are afraid that you might miss something. Truth is, no matter what you do, even if you do manage to stay awake the whole weekend, you WILL miss something. There is sooooo much going on that it’s impossible not to miss something. So get your sleep in during the daylight hours because all of the real fun happens at night. My advice, sleep from 7.a.m. until 1 or 2ish p.m. ( some do it on less sleep) Then you can survive the long wild nights. If you like to drink, please bring enough to last you. They don’t allow glass on the grounds so put it in plastic jugs. If you drink mixed drinks, mix your drinks in a gallon jug before you leave to avoid extra baggage and/or having them take your alcohol away for being in glass.

Okay,this year I am seeing that a lot of people are planning to bring their children this year (yes they can come, with a ticket, that is the same price as yours ,so be ready to shell that doe out too) and this section is for you. First off just let me say this……..ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND? If the answer is yes, then read on. Okay, in my personal opinion this event is NOT for children, Juggalittles or not. It’s always hot as fuck, way too many people ,just things going on that NO child should have to witness, trust me. A child WILL ruin your good time, period. Late night hours(you can quickly adjust to sleeping in late and staying up late, but your child can not), the 30+ miles you will be walking that week, and so much more that is not child friendly. This is supposed to be YOUR get away. No matter how well behaved your child is, this will cut your fun factor in HALF at the least. You will have to keep a CLOSE eye on them at all times, lose eye sight one time, the crowd sweeps’em away. Bring their favorite toys or what not, there will be a lot of boring time between events and such. Anything that keeps them occupied .Don’t forget,it’s close to 100 degrees during the day at Hatchet Landings so keep them cool and hydrated. Once again,it’s best to find a sitter and leave’em at home, but I know you are hardheaded so……..bring twice as many clothes for them as you would yourself, children get dirty by nature. KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE SKIES!! People are ALWAYS throwing shit so stay alert for flying objects to be coming down on your child’s head. DO you REALLY want to do more baby sitting than enjoying yourself? Leave them at home .I can not stress this enough. They allow kids because they are money hungry ,but this is NO place for a kid. I could go on with the reasons NOT to take them but YOU are the parent, all I can do is warn you, be safe and have fun!!

If you can’t help it and you managed to get Faygo soaked some how, or fell in the mud ,or what ever your excuse may be, but you need a shower a.s.a.p.and you decide to brave the showers that they have on the grounds. Remember this…first and foremost, don’t go in bare foot. Your feet can easily catch some nasty stuff from those floors. Don’t touch the walls and be quick. The faster you get in and out, the better off you will be. Trust me, just thought I’d throw that in ,it was a tip from a reader. Also bring a shit load of towels, as many as you can afford to bring, between Faygo showers, sweat, and other shit you will need a lot of them so pack enough.

Note, please fill your gas tank as close to entering the Gates of Shangri-la (The Gathering Grounds) one last time. You will waste a lot of gas waiting in line just to get into the grounds (especially if you make the parking lot party… http://www.facebook.com/events/253264928082790/  ) And if you feel like sitting in your car in the a/c while you are there to escape the heat, guess what, that uses gas fool. You better hope you have enough when you leave to hit a gas station before your long trip home, just sayin’,be prepared.

Don’t get me wrong, I know people who go and survive on next to nothing and still have the time of their lives. But this guide is for those who choose to go, and do it right. For 15 dollars you can pick up those little lights that you wear around your head instead of an actual flashlight. The hands free idea is nice, especially when it comes to rolling something in the dark. Cell phones have better reception than previous years due to the fact that they installed Wi-Fi on the grounds a couple years ago. (it’s not free,they wanted like 20 bucks for four hours). Helicopter rides are cool, they used to be 20 dollars but last year they jumped to 30, so who knows what they will be this year. The merchandise is over priced, get there early for best selection. Some people seem to think that the vendors are over priced ,but it’s the same as you could expect to pay at any festival, carnival, or sporting event. 10-15 dollars for a filling meal and a drink, depending on how much you eat, it really isn’t that expensive (some vendors will trade good buds for food, just ask) .Every event has long wait times (time between seminars,stand up comedy acts,and even main stage acts some times). The autograph line is ridiculous, either you wait ALL day and miss a ton of shit just for a signature, or you jump in the end of the line and waiting anyway with the risk of missing who you wanted to see by the time you make it to the front. Either way, it’s never worth it to me, but that’s your choice. There are mist stations scattered throughout the grounds in case you get too hot. They are few, but they are out there. Last year they tried to keep everyone from showing up days early but of course that shit didn’t go down as they thought it would, so they had to open the parking lot for us to chill on for two days until the gates open. Due to this there was no Porta potties on the parking lot. Luckily we brought a 30-40 dollar personal toilet, it was small enough to pack, and a life saver to have, look into one. It IS worth it.

As usual,this is all for now,but I am SURE there will be more added as we count down the days once again until we depart on the road to Shangri-la!! If there are any questions you may have that I didn’t get around to answering YET. Feel free to send me a message with your question(s) and I will address it in future additions to this guide.

THANK YOU:

He Who Smokes A Lot